


Don't speak

by kellsbells



Series: State of Love and Trust [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, No happy ending here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 01:51:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14706858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kellsbells/pseuds/kellsbells
Summary: Lena Luthor has had a hell of a day. Sam escaped from the lab, her worldkiller sisters coming to break her out, and Supergirl and the DEO interrogated her. Fast forward and she’s in some sort of alternate dimension populated with witches and demons, trying to find a way to release Sam. None of it went to plan, and when she got back to her hotel suite, James had a confession about breaking into her lab. At Supergirl’s request. This is not the time for Supergirl to check in on her.





	Don't speak

* * *

Lena stood on the balcony of her hotel penthouse, glass of scotch in her hands. It had been a long day; Reign had absorbed the other Worldkillers, and Supergirl and Alex Danvers had only just managed to get her out of there alive. She could still feel the phantom bruises from Reign’s fingers on her neck. She grimaced, swallowing down the smooth scotch as though it could make the non-existent pain go away.

 

Supergirl flew into view, and Lena shook her head, murmuring something to herself. Hypocrite, maybe. It came out as half a sob, and she bit her lip, praying that the superhero hadn’t heard her with that ridiculous super-hearing of hers.

 

No such luck. Supergirl stopped in mid-air, practically screeching to a halt. A few seconds later she was landing next to Lena, eyes concerned. Lena had to bite back a snarl.

 

“Are you…” Supergirl began, but Lena turned away, gesturing with her scotch glass at the hotel suite behind her.

 

“You know, when I moved to National City, I just wanted to make things right. Turn my family’s ill-gotten wealth into something that would help the world, help humanity. But I knew I wasn’t likely to be embraced with open arms. I knew that I was much more likely to end up leaving in a body bag. So I took a hotel suite, thinking there’d be a lot less to clean up, when the time came. And then I met Kara. Suddenly it was like I was just… a normal human being. A person who had a friend, just an ordinary woman with an ordinary friend. And she really, truly believed in me. The first time we went out to brunch, I thought about buying an apartment. Because it felt like I could have a life, you know? I made other friends, and then I called Sam to run L-Corp and I had an old friend back, too. Then it was Kara’s sister and her girlfriend. All these people, treating me like I was a human being. It was like a dream come true. There was this girl’s night, at Kara’s, and we all talked about stupid stuff like dating and what kind of aunt we would each be to Ruby. There we were, Alex and Maggie and Sam and Kara and me, and it was the first time I’d been in a group of people who didn’t want a damn thing from me other than my company. People who didn’t judge me by my last name. People who believed I wasn’t going to suddenly snap and turn into Lex or my mother.”

 

She took a long sip from the scotch before staring into the glass, like it had all the answers.

 

Supergirl shifted uncomfortably behind her.

 

“I remember the day I almost bought an apartment near L-Corp, that new development they just finished. Would you care to venture a guess when that was, Supergirl?” she asked, without waiting for an answer. “It was the day after you rescued me from that bunker of my brother’s; the day after you crashed through the ceiling and told me that Kara Danvers believed in me.” She sobbed a little, chest heaving, before continuing. “I felt like… I felt like I could fly myself that day, because I had _people_. I had people who cared about me, people who would come to my rescue even when all appearances said I was guilty. But still, one tiny part of me, that little girl who had come to her new home and found it filled with snakes, she said – no. One day they’ll turn on you. One day you’ll see their true faces. And the worst part is that she was right. Because I did everything right. _Everything_. I found out my friend was sick, hurting, and I worked out what was happening. I didn’t know what you would do if you found out about Sam, because of course I knew how dangerous she was. She’d almost killed you. I was terrified that you’d allow your black-ops friends at the DEO to make her disappear. When I looked at the problem and I realised I could fix it, I decided not to tell you because I could fix it without Sam ending up as a casualty. So I synthesised Kryptonite, and I used it to control her when Reign was taking over. I built a force field that could withstand even your incredible strength, and I did everything I could to save my friend. You can ask James – he’ll tell you that he didn’t see me for three weeks. That’s because I was working every hour of every day to find the enzyme that changed Sam into Reign so that I could eradicate it. I was close. And then… those other Worldkillers came along and took her. And that was all it took for you to decide I was evil. I had kryptonite. For a good reason, which I explained to you. But no, that wasn’t good enough, because all of a sudden you had decided I was evil.”

 

Lena laughed, and it was bitter against her tongue.

 

“When my mother kidnapped me from jail, she framed me _expertly_. Kara had no reason to believe that I was innocent, and neither did you. And yet, you came after me, even though you knew that the kryptonite in that man’s chest was going to go nuclear. You could have died, and yet you ran to my aid. You saved my life. You made me feel worthwhile.”

 

She turned to look at Supergirl, who looked upset and guilty, tears filling her eyes.

 

“So tell me, Supergirl. How do you think I feel now, after you said those things to me today? Telling me that asking for your real name was a dangerous question for someone called Luthor to ask you? How do you think I feel knowing that my boyfriend broke into my lab today, at your request, to see if I had any more Kryptonite? Do you know how I’ve trusted you, looked up to you? Do you…” her body almost doubled over itself as she sobbed again. “Do you know how you’ve made me feel, Supergirl?”

 

Supergirl was suddenly wrapped around her, and Lena cried hysterically, weakly thumping at Supergirl’s crest with her fists.

 

“I’m sorry,” Supergirl breathed, pulling Lena close, against her hard, strong body. Breathing into her neck; stroking her back. Lena cried until she was hiccupping, and Supergirl still held her, still rubbing her back. After a while – the sun had had time to go down since her speech – Supergirl half-lifted her to her couch, speeding off and returning with a hot cup of some sort of tea with a generous measure of honey whiskey added. She wrapped herself and her cape around Lena.

 

“I made a really big mistake. I’m so, so sorry,” Supergirl said, still holding Lena to her. Lena wasn’t sure why she hadn’t pushed the woman away yet. But she didn’t, because she needed the comfort. Needed to know that someone cared enough to comfort her. Someone other than James, that was, because while she adored the honesty he’d shown, telling her his other identity and confessing to breaking into her lab but stopping at the last minute – she didn’t love him. Not the way he loved her.

 

“You didn’t deserve this from me. I went behind your back and I made you hurt when all you were trying to do was keep Sam safe. I know why you did things the way you did. If the DEO had known, they would have kept Sam contained any way they could. I can’t promise you that they wouldn’t have hurt her, that they wouldn’t have sacrificed Sam to end the threat of Reign. The fact that she can beat me… it terrifies me.”

 

Supergirl shivered in Lena’s arms, and Lena tightened her hold on the woman unconsciously.

 

“It’s not that I’m afraid to die. I’m not. If it’s my time, if Rao calls me home, then I’ll go,” Supergirl said, and there was a deep, abiding sorrow in her voice that made Lena want to hold her forever. “But I promised that I would protect the people of this planet. And this nightmare – it came from _my_ people, not yours. So I have to stop it. I’m so sorry that I took those fears out on you. I’m sorry I asked… I asked James to investigate you. He told me there was nothing in there. I know I was wrong.”

 

“You weren’t wrong,” Lena said, pulling away from Supergirl’s arms, drawing her legs up and into herself, making herself small. “James did go to my lab, but he didn’t enter the vault, because he trusts me. And the fact that you don’t… I… I wish I’d never come here. I was such a fool. I should have just broken L-Corp down and sold the pieces. Who was I kidding? A Luthor and a Super – clearly we can never be friends. I _made_ that Kryptonite, Supergirl, and I would do it again if it was to keep Sam safe and Ruby safe. If it was to keep you safe, or Kara, or Alex. I would make it again to bring you down if you were ever affected by red Kryptonite. You can hate me for it, but that’s who I am, Supergirl. My brother’s notes had the recipe for synthetic Kryptonite and I can’t forget it. I have an almost perfect memory. I could have made it to kill you when I got here, if that was my plan. I could have killed you a hundred times if I’d wanted. But that’s never been what I wanted. I just wanted to make L-Corp a force for good. But I can see that I’ve failed. You needn’t worry; once this is all over, I’m going to leave National City and you never need to see me again. Just… please let me help you find Sam. I’ll go after that. Or you can arrest me; I don’t care. Just… let me save her if she can be saved.”

 

Supergirl was watching her, expressionless.

 

“How much Kryptonite is in that vault?” she asked.

 

“2 pounds, give or take an ounce. I needed to be able to replace or add to the device that was keeping Reign under control. It only radiates so much energy; if she had become any stronger I might have needed more. So I had extra for more of those devices,” Lena said. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m telling the truth.”

 

“I do believe you,” Supergirl murmured.

 

“Sure,” Lena said, laughing hollowly. “You’ve proved you have deep trust in me.”

 

“I know. I’ve messed up. I don’t know why I was so ready to believe you’d turned on me. Or maybe I do. But… that’s not your problem, it’s mine. I can only apologise to you, Lena, and hope that one day I can make this up to you. Of course, we can work together to try to save Sam. We know where she is; maybe we can strengthen her in Ju’ru so that she can take back control. You can help Brainy with that; you’re the genius, after all,” Supergirl said quietly.

 

Lena just stared at the superhero in confusion. Supergirl’s head was down, her hair curtaining her face, and she was picking at the sole of her boot nervously.

 

“What do you mean? You know why you were ready to believe I was evil? Why? What does that mean? What did I do to make you believe this, Supergirl? I thought after the whole saga with my mother that we had an understanding. But now – you looked at me like I was a stranger. I only asked you your name because you were trying to make out like I was hiding things to hurt you. I don’t need to know your name. I said it to point out that you have secrets too.”

 

Supergirl looked at her, a sidelong look that made Lena stare. The woman looked _so_ guilty, and for the life of Lena, she couldn’t work out why.

 

“I’ve been lying to you for a long time, Lena. I should have told you the truth after the thing with your mother. I knew I could trust you after what happened with the Medusa virus and after you tried to save me in that bunker. I… I wanted you to know, but I also didn’t. I didn’t want you to look at me the way you look at Supergirl.”

 

Lena just stared. She wasn’t stupid; she could see the similarities between the super and her best friend. But she’d told herself it wasn’t true. It couldn’t be, because Kara was too sweet to be a liar. She would never hurt a friend, unless she wasn’t at all what she seemed.

 

Lena covered her face with her hands, muttering to herself. Kara couldn’t be Supergirl, because that meant that it wasn’t just Supergirl who doubted Lena, it was _Kara_. And that mattered way, way more. Kara was her guiding light, her port in a storm. Her unconditional friend. She couldn’t be Supergirl, because that meant that the foundation of Lena’s life here was turning to dust under her feet. If Kara didn’t believe her; if Kara didn’t trust her, then she truly had no reason to be here in National City. Because her life here was based on a lie.

 

“I’m sorry, Lee,” Supergirl said, and that was when Lena broke. Because only Kara had ever called her Lee. And when she looked up, she could see Kara’s sorrow on Supergirl’s face.

 

She was ice, she was numb. Her heart, so full of blood, of life, only a second ago, was heavy and blue and dying. Kara was Supergirl. Kara was the one who sent James to investigate her. Kara was the one who spoke to her with suspicion and hatred in her voice. Kara didn’t trust her, didn’t care for her. Kara wasn’t even Kara.

 

“I should have told you a long time ago,” Supergirl said, producing glasses from somewhere and perching them on her nose. Then she tied back those blonde waves, and she was Kara. Lena almost laughed. It was a simple disguise, but sometimes simple was the best. No-one would have expected Kara Danvers to be a superhuman alien from a dead civilisation, simply because Kara Danvers giggled about ice cream and potstickers and Disney movies and didn’t have an ounce of gravitas in that tall, rangy body of hers, always bowed over bashfully, always playing with her glasses nervously. Always giggling and blushing when Lena used an innuendo or told a dirty joke. No-one would believe it, because Kara Danvers wasn’t Supergirl. In fact, Kara Danvers had never existed in the first place. There was only Supergirl, whatever her actual name was, and the human mask she wore to hide from the world. To befriend Luthors, to make sure they weren’t a threat. To do god only knew what, to advance her own agenda. God only knew what she was capable of, if she was capable of deceit on this scale.

 

Lena had been staring, but she wasn’t truly looking at this woman opposite her. She was working through her memories, trying to reconcile the woman in front of her with the woman who had been her dearest friend for two years.

 

“I know that you probably hate me, Lee. It would be understandable,” Kara/Supergirl said, in her Kara voice. She was fidgeting, slumped like Kara, and her voice was a little higher, less commanding than when she was Supergirl.

 

“Stop that,” Lena snapped.

 

“Stop what?” Supergirl said.

 

“Stop being Kara. Just… stop,” Lena snarled.

 

Supergirl nodded, drawing herself up to her full height again, taking a deep breath.

 

“I should have told you, I know that. I wanted to but at the same time I didn’t. And there was a lot of pressure from the DEO, too, that I shouldn’t tell anyone else.”

 

“You’ve told others?” Lena asked, her voice cold.

 

“I have only ever told Winn,” Supergirl said. “The others who know – they found out through the DEO or through my cousin.”

 

Of course. The cousin. The wonderboy who destroyed Lena’s only family, who broke her brother so badly that he became unrecognisable. Lena laughed mirthlessly. Supergirl looked at her cautiously and then continued.

 

“I met you that first day with… with Clark Kent,” Supergirl said, fiddling with her glasses again. “I was ready to mistrust you, the way he did, but… you convinced me. You made me see that you were just trying to make something of yourself and of your company. I saw something in you, and I trusted you.”

 

Lena rolled her eyes. Supergirl/Kara winced visibly.

 

“I met you a few times in my human disguise, and I grew to like you a lot, even after the alien detection device. I could see that your time with the Luthors had left its mark on you, but I could also see that you would listen to other people’s opinions. You never brought that product to market, and I still… I’m so grateful that you didn’t.”

 

“I didn’t bring it to market because it didn’t work,” Lena snarled. “It overheated, causing a cascade failure. No doubt caused by Kryptonian heat vision. I decided to leave it until I had a better idea of how to use it, because my _friend_ had been so concerned about it.”

 

Supergirl looked even more guilty.

 

“I’m sorry about that. I couldn’t out myself as an alien, not then. I didn’t know how you would react; I didn’t know you.”

 

“And once you did, you still chose not to tell me. You lied to me, made a fool out of me. I told Supergirl off because she was so clingy with Mon-El; I told her that he was with my friend Kara. You must have all been laughing at me so hard,” Lena said, chuckling harshly deep in her chest.

 

“I never laughed at you. I was never trying to make a fool out of you. I wanted… I _needed_ , a friend. Someone who just saw me as Kara. Not Supergirl, not an alien. Just Kara the rookie reporter. I was selfish, I know. I shouldn’t have… I should have told you. You didn’t deserve to be left in the dark.”

 

“Every time I talked to you about Kara, or to Kara about Supergirl – it was all just a great big fucking lie. You listened to my fears, my deepest thoughts. I saved your life and I let Jack die. I loved Jack. But I believed you were more important. I thought that I had been betrayed in just about every way I knew. But this? This is a new low. Just… just tell me one thing, before you get the _fuck_ out of here. What did you mean, that you know why you were so quick to decide I was evil?”

 

Supergirl blinked, her face going white, as Lena cursed at her. She coughed, then, her face reddening.

 

“I was angry at you. Because of James.”

 

“What about James?” Lena said, glaring.

 

“You were with him, and you seemed so happy…” Supergirl said, growing redder.

 

“So what, you were jealous that I was going out with your old boyfriend? You – Kara you – _encouraged_ me to date him. I don’t think I would have, without that. You’re really that petty?”

 

Supergirl shook her head.

 

“Not James. You. I was jealous that he had you, when that was all I wanted. I felt like you’d already deserted me, so why wouldn’t you turn on me? I thought – Kara me – that you had disappeared on me these last couple of weeks because you’d found James. I thought you’d just left me behind, and I was hurt, Lena. I was heartbroken, and then I found out you were helping Sam, and you two just looked so close, and I… I was jealous. I was small, a sad, small person who couldn’t handle you being with someone who wasn’t me. I’m so, so sorry.”

 

Supergirl/Kara was trembling, her bottom lip wobbling, and she was barely holding back tears.

 

“What do you mean,” Lena asked, looking at Supergirl intently, “by jealous. Jealous that I had another friend? Jealous that I had a boyfriend because I was leaving you, my friend behind? Or jealous because…”

 

“Because I’m in love with you,” Supergirl/Kara said, voice cracking. “I’m sorry, Lena. You didn’t deserve my harsh words, my suspicions, any of it. It was all because I was jealous because I knew you’d never want me. I’m as bad as those guys who talk about the friendzone, and expect women to sleep with them. I’m… Rao, I’m so sorry. I’m going to go. I’m sending Alex to stay with you, to keep you safe. You don’t have to see me again – either version – unless we’re working directly together to save Sam. I hope that someday you will find friends who are worthy of you, because I’m certainly not. Goodbye, Lena.”

 

Supergirl was on her feet, and Lena, for some reason, grabbed her cape and pulled her back down. She found herself moving forward, kissing the woman she’d once called her best friend, biting at her lip and pulling her hair. And Supergirl was responding. Kara. Whoever. She was kissing back, and there were tears on Lena’s lips – whose, she wasn’t sure. She drew back, Supergirl chasing her lips.

 

“We really could have been something,” she murmured, almost against Supergirl’s lips. “If you’d just been a little honest with me. Just a little. But now… Go. Kara, or whatever your name really is. Just go. And don’t come back. Don’t speak another word to me that isn’t directly related to saving my friend and her daughter. I’ll never be over this, so don’t bother trying. Go.”

 

Supergirl stared at her, eyes wide and shocked, before stumbling to her feet and almost falling backwards. She nodded, eyes still wide, and then she was gone, in a blast of displaced air. Lena went to close the balcony door and curtains, switching the television on for some noise to drown out the noise in her ears. Later, when Alex came, she talked to her, she knew, but she couldn’t have told anyone what they talked about, afterwards. Her mind was ice, her heart too. Whatever she’d wanted from this new life of hers, it didn’t matter. None of it. She would help save Sam, and then she would leave, and L-Corp would be broken up and sold. And she’d never trust anyone again, because trusting, caring – that was weakness. Sam was her friend, she thought, so she would help her. But she’d never let anyone in again. Supergirl had done the one thing that even Lex hadn’t been able to do. She’d broken Lena Luthor’s heart completely. And there was no coming back from that.


End file.
